Hello again, it’s your friendly neighborhood angry guy talking about another one of the so many facets of life that pisses him off. Tacos. No! Just kidding. I actually like tacos very much. Did you know that all Mexican food is derived from the Taco? A good friend of mine once told me that. You see the taco is at the top of the Mexican food hierarchy and from that stems…anyway, I hate people sending me crap I don’t want.

I can already hear you thinking, (since I am psychic), "what? I love getting free crap! Even if I don’t want it I can just throw it away!" Well that’s very true, but I think we're blurring the lines between stuff and crap.

For the record I would like to state that I am a total pack rat. I have a 40 gallon tub filled to the top with worthless stuff (not crap) because I think (or did think at one point in time) that it’s cool. We’re talking about stuff like homework from second grade, rolls of police tape, and anything that I brought back from my three-week excursion in Kenya. This is why I can understand why people like getting free stuff in the mail. I still hate getting crap I didn’t ask for though! How is this possible? Well to answer that question I must explain the difference between stuff and crap.

"Stuff" includes the following: free samples of toothpaste, free sample of detergent, free samples of cow, and free samples of just about anything. "Crap", or "Shit" as I refer to it much of the time, includes this: anything else in your mailbox that isn’t a bill or isn’t from someone you know. This crap is commonly known as junk mail.

Now, as you can see, I’m tolerant of samples of stuff. I like stuff. I am not tolerant however of crap like junk mail and Internet spam, another form of crap. Now that crap really pisses me off. There are certain properties of both spam and junk mail that really piss me off. I would like to bitch to you about them now.

I like spam over junk mail for one reason; spam doesn’t waste any resources aside from time. Fortunately most of us have a lot of time (you're reading this aren't you?) Here is how time is wasted when I recieve spam. First, some jerk wastes the time to send it to me. Next I take the time to delete it, curse loudly, write some tirade on how I hate getting shit I didn’t ask for, write the jerk back telling them how I feel about him, and curse a second time for emphasis. I think I’m getting the shaft as far as the amount of wasted time goes.

Now getting junk mail actually wastes paper while the spam just wastes electrons, which I’m told by a reliable source we have way more of. I know it doesn’t seem that bad getting one insignificant piece of paper, but think of how many poor bastards like yourself are stricken with crap you didn’t ask for (now abbreviated as CYDAF or SYDAF if I feel like using the word shit instead of crap.) I’m thinking there’s probably a whole hell of a lot of people just like you and I getting this crap every day. Multiply that by the incredible quantity of shit that floods your mailbox alone every day, and you have a huge fucking waste of paper!

Now what I hate about spam so much is that if you are truly evil, you can spam things like newsgroups and reach hundreds of other people who don’t give a shit with minimal effort. It’s times like this I think to myself, ‘self? Isn’t this technology thing just fucking grand? I mean, I actually have the privilege to live in a world where some asshole can actually tell me and a whole lot of other people who don’t give a damn about a really swell web site that has naked chicks!" And joy of joys, the site is absol-fucking-lutely free! Dear lord! I had better drop everything I had planned for today and go to this site because some low life scum wants to make a buck! Because the lord above knows that you’d be hard pressed to find a site on the Internet portraying naked people at no cost to the viewer. Thank you asshole! Thank you for your cunning display of wasting my fucking time.